May 26th, 2010

"Future News 2090"

Washington D.C. May 26, 2090.…In the Future news today, the Al-Qaeda Daily, Arab press and the Muslim news reported that the Arctic ocean, the last ocean to be free from the leaking oil from the Gulf of Mexico is now totally polluted….Officially, the White House reports and confirms that all oceans are now thick with oil the consistency of pudding. The President was at a fund raiser yesterday seeking donations for his reelection but as an afterthought confirmed that there is no more sea life living in any ocean. A committee is being formed to oversee the existing committee on discussing a bail out program for British Petroleum. …British Petroleum said today they are still working hard to cap the leak in the gulf by putting sand on top of the hole but reports it’s a time consuming job. Meanwhile the last of the Whales and Sea Turtles are putting themselves on shore preferring to suffocate on land rather the in the ocean. When asked about the scarcity of drinking water in the United States the president said, the government will provide bottled water on the third Wednesday of every month. Limit is two 12 once bottles per family of four. Non-citizens will receive six 12 ounce bottles. When ask why that is…The president replied, because we need to be nice to our foreign friends. They showed great courage crossing the border in all that gunfire. In other news the Senate just voted a unanimous yes to appropriate from American taxpayers, the money to build a Western White House in Dubai.

In other future news…. The committee overseeing the committee seeking to elect Mohammed Abdul Mohammed Jr. President of the United States is seeking funds from the United Arab Emirates and Dubai. Dubai, the capital of the Mid-east recently completed building an artificial ocean with profits from raising gas prices in the United States $191.99 per gallon.….If elected he will be the fifth President to admit being a Muslim of the highest order.. When asked, He said he will, “Use American Tax dollars to build a Mosque in every Federal building in the United States. “And that’s a campaign promise”, he was heard saying in Arabic to his press secretary. He later commented that the new law concerning woman will go into effect on June 1st making it mandatory that all woman must wear their full robes or suffer the consequences of being stoned on the city street by the Jihad police…And that’s the Future News for today, May 26, 2090...Stay tuned…

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    The rain feels oily today.
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